Chasing Promises

I am starting to see that God’s plan for my life is not to throw everything in my path and watch me choose what I want.

I wish.  

I think that I have lived most of my life in the desert because I refused to believe that I was worthy to receive the promise.  I have looked at certain promises (or even just things I wanted) in my life but didn’t go after them because I thought if I was meant to have them, they would come to me.

There have also been a few instances in my life where I chose to step out in faith.  And it was scary.  And I kept thinking of a thousand reasons why I shouldn’t do it.  But then God showed up and nothing else mattered because I knew God was on my side.

So right now, I’m single.  And I have been for a really long time.  And If I apply what I’m learning about going after the promises God has for my life, then I have to take a look at myself as a reason why I’m still single.

There is this promise.  And I can see it in my minds eye.  I can taste it in my dreams.  I know it is there.  My thoughts are on it.  My heart is pointed towards it.  But I have yet to realize this promise.

I have a choice.

I can choose the path of self-pity or the path of ruthless trust and actually start moving forwards.

I remember when I first decided to go on the World Race.  I knew I had to do it.  I wanted to do it.  It was all I could think about for months.  And finally, I stepped out rather awkwardly in my weak and feeble faith, and watched God show up time after time after time.  I went on the World Race.  I chose that same path when I chose Thailand.  I stepped out in bold, awkward faith towards the promise.  And I watched God show up.  But I had to be involved in the process.

Why would my journey towards this coveted coupledom be any different?  So…last week I chose to move forwards.  It wasn’t a big deal and nothing really happened.  But I chose to take a step towards a promise.  I stepped out, took a risk, and looked like a total moron.  And I chose to move forwards without thinking of what would happen.  There was no thought of the outcome; only of the process.

Through that decision, I learned that I cannot move towards the promise and listen to lies and fear at the same time.

I have to choose.  And move.  Lies disable and truth enables.  Fear keeps me still.  Faith moves me forwards.  There is action that comes with faith and trust in God.  One of my best friends said to me, “You either believe the *stuff* you say, or you don’t”.  And she was right.  I say a lot of pretty things, but where the rubber meets the road, I don’t always move in it.  And I had to believe and move.  It was time.

And so, I chose to move.  And the opposition came.  As it always does. There were doubts and fears and other people’s opinions.  There are always lies that try to get in.  But I had decided I was moving forward and so I didn’t listen to the crap. I kept my eyes on what I wanted and wobbled forwards in what very little strength I had.

And you know what?

Things didn’t turn out like I had planned.  At all.  But it gave me so much hope.  Because God was still there.  And he still showed up.  And the fact that things didn’t roll out in front of me after I took a baby step, doesn’t mean I was wrong or made a mistake. It means that this is a journey and I made a step.  And I will have to make many more.  But I am so encouraged because I know that the more steps I take, the closer I will get to the thing that God has for me.

I feel like, in so many ways, I’m sitting on the edge of the promise.  I’m looking at it, but thinking about the giants that will overtake me when I charge in to take it.  But I also believe that as I go, I am not going alone.  The presence of God goes with me in this journey.  Therefore I can move in confidence towards this thing.  For me, right now, the promise is that relationship, but at other times in my life it has been different things.  I think that the rest of my life will be a process of believing, trusting, refusing fear, and moving forwards in faith towards whatever promise I am chasing.

So what promise are you chasing?